This is a bittersweet love story. I fell in love with the art of film at a young age like most do. I remember watching Channel V & MTV as a 10 year old and became obsessed with the images I was exposed to. Seeing Aaliyah dance and sing her heart out in a deep blue room, sparkling eyeshadow and leather pants made me want to know how this world is created. How did they decide her outfits? How did they decide when to cut to Timbaland producing? How did they decide on how the stage would be decorated with mirrors?
Nothing could cure my curiosity, and I watched Channel V to its end, RIP. Til I decided to pursue this journey of film with no preparation of what it really meant as a woman of colour.
I am no nepo baby, my family are immigrants from South America and South East Asia. Creative pursuits were not a first thought in the world of survival. However my parents do love their escapism as movies were on in our household every night. Visiting the Video Ezy down the road every week was such a treasure trove of mine. My mum would allow me to pick one movie out of the 3 weekly movies deal. She would pick up a thriller and I would choose a Miyazaki film.
My parents allowed me the freedom to follow any path that I found passion in and at first that was writing as my comfort was in books. That transitioned into media when I discovered the film industry is one you can actually have a real adult job in.
Film school rewarded me and woke me up in many ways. I was one of few women and women of colour in my cohort. Naturally we were drawn to working together. Somehow we knew the communication and understanding between each other would come with ease. But sometimes one of my uni lecturers would mix up me up with my filipino best friend and vice versa (I’m not filipino, just the other asian girl).
As I slowly found my footing, I quickly learned the film industry at its core is run by old heads and gate kept by the wall of men, like many other industries (news flash). I did not experience direct racism until film. Naivety severed.
Even when there are women in higher positions, they are white women. We didn’t have classes about feminist or international cinema and the importance of it. Or about trans or gender diverse directors or writers. But sometimes my lecturer would call for “female voices” when the Tarantino film boys would dominate the discourse. Bless him.
I’ve found a lack of these conversations occurring - even amongst other women and people of colour. Why am I one of few who wants to talk about these things, and with such fire? Is no one else feelings the same way as I do? Maybe we have internalised these feelings to try and fit into this world. I want to embrace my feminine and cultural energy when I create. Times have shifted slowly, with icons like Greta Gerwig, Celine Song and Sofia Coppola, but not fast enough.
Ultimately, there are not many safe spaces for people like me to exist in this industry. I’ve been lucky along my journey to find other lovely POC who have graced me with amazing opportunities to work and collaborate with. Plus linking up with allies who recognise these gaps and uplift people like me in this industry. It has not always been this way, I have had countless negative experiences working with men who feel the need to boost their ego when they see a woman with a camera.
I crave to break down the institutionalised, archaic and patriarchal industry this is. I desire for these conversations and discourse to continue for diverse voices and I hope I can intrigue you enough to be a part of it too.
𓆞༄・゚𓆝࿐ ࿔*: 𓆟